Today as I see it:
• Caffeine sales will be at an all-time high.
• Whether grinning or gritting, wine-stained teeth are trending.
• People who know absolutely nothing about the stock market will be convinced it has crashed.
• Of those people convinced the stock market has crashed, many will have little or no money invested in it, nor can they define “futures market.”
• Half of the U.S. population now knows how the other half of the U.S. population felt after the previous election.
• Rosie and Miley and Cher and Barbara and Whoopie and Seth, among others, will not live up to their promises.
• Work productivity will be nonexistent.
• Facebook will continue to be HateBook.
• Alec Baldwin is alternating between sad and happy tequila shots because the candidate he supported won’t be our next President, but he does have a guaranteed four-year gig on SNL.
• Many people will enjoy celebratory meals, while others will eat an abundant serving of crow.
• At least one die-hard SEC football fan, when asked about the results, will comment that Nebraska shouldn’t be ranked ahead of LSU.
• And finally, few will remember that while tongues are light, they are indeed the heaviest thing to hold.