Beach-bound spray tans have now faded, spring break frolic is in our rear-view mirrors, and moms and pops across the city are now laser focused on one – and only one – topic: school.

Parents of everyone from kindergarteners to students old enough to drive themselves to school are fighting for airspace to shout the good news about the arrival of the coveted enrollment packet from “the very best school” or bemoan the single-spaced, one-page letter with a triple-digit waiting list number or, worse, rejection.

Meanwhile, from sea to shining sea, a bazillion high school seniors and their parents are in countdown mode for fast-approaching graduations. Just as caps, gowns and “Pomp and Circumstance” await, so, too, does a startling trend that has placed a stinging bee in my bonnet.

Trending now: self-proclaimed know-it-all parents belittling college majors other than engineering because, in their opinions, all smart students (specifically theirs) major in engineering; ordinary run-of-the-mill students don’t.

Objection.

Our master creator most certainly knew what He was doing by giving each of us specific talents and strengths. By His design, we aren’t all engineers – mechanical, chemical, petroleum, electrical, civil, uncivil – nor do we want to be. The world is exciting because of what each of us brings to the table, whether creativity, artistic abilities, culinary skills, business acumen, athletic strengths (no pun intended), the ability to educate or cure or counsel others, the mental and physical ability to run directly into situations others are fleeing… It’s a long list, and we clearly all need each other.

If that’s not lesson enough on why it’s prudent to keep one’s mouth shut about college majors, let’s shake up the homework assignments, shall we? Might an engineering major toe stump if tasked with the strategy, creative development, budgeting, implementation and media planning of an integrated marketing and advertising campaign for a life-saving medical device targeting females ages 40 to 50 in certain geographic markets? Can students in majors other than music arrange and score music? Can every student in every major, including engineering, easily conjugate verbs in Latin, amortize debt, recount the historical development and stylistic contexts of art objects, develop lesson plans for second-grade students with various learning levels, narrate criminal behavior theory, and examine tissue for signs of disease, infection or chemical reactions? In a word: no.

If all the puffed-up parental tongue wagging isn’t enough to make Buffy bitchy, I don’t know what is. But Buffy isn’t bitchy, thanks to good friend A, who is wicked smart, witty and successful. A has a student who will major in engineering next year, and yet A has never said a single negative word about other students’ choices of schools and majors.

Tongues are among the heaviest things to hold, which makes A an Olympic gold medalist.

Let’s. Be. Like. A.