Rules are a funny thing. Okay, maybe not funny, but interesting and perhaps a science. Unless you are a recluse or live alone in the wild blue yonder, you probably see at least one person break the rules Every. Single. Day. If you don’t, it’s because you’ve become immune to rampant rule breaking by people who don’t think the rules apply to them.

So let’s step on the soapbox together, shall we? It will give us a better view of the rule-breaking world.

I recently blogged about the no parking zone at The Children’s Museum and translated it for the Range Rover mom so she’d know the meaning: You (yes, even you… wonderful, wonderful you) can’t park here. All together now: d.i.t.z.y.

Just the other day, I popped by the grocery store to get a gallon of milk and some oranges. Oh, and bread. I MIGHT have tossed in some Pepperidge Farm cookies and a bottle of wine, too, but enough with the grocery list. A 30-something male pulled his trendy SUV into a reserved and very-close-to-the-store Stork Club parking spot. He was wearing lululemon workout gear and appeared to be headed to the gym (errrr, members-only athletic training facility), not from it. If you have an IQ over 10, you can easily tell from the signage that Stock Club parking spots are for expectant mothers. If the cute little stork graphic isn’t enough, the words “Reserved for Expectant Mothers” should be. Of course, the rule didn’t apply to him because, well, he’s him.

Carpool lines are a breeding ground for rule breaking. Precisely when moms and dads should be attentive, safety-minded, law-abiding citizens, they turn into crazed freaks. Everyone has an agenda, some more meaningful than others. Many parents are racing the clock to get to work while others simply can’t be late for their Starbucks coffee talk and mid-morning tennis matches. Susie and Bobby and Timmy and Cindy are instructed (forced) to risk life and limb because the rules don’t apply to their adult behind the wheel. As heirs to the rule-breaking throne, these children learn rule exemption before they’ve completed their first semester of intensive get-ahead-of-the-pack after-school tutoring at Kumon.

This next little diddy takes the kook cake. Every morning for an entire school year, THAT mom — you know her: the one to which none of the rules apply — parked her SUV in the driveway of our friend Kevin, who lives across the street from the neighborhood elementary school. You see, parking her shmansy vehicle in an actual parking spot or inching her way through the carpool line like the rest of the zip code was just waaaaaaaaaaaaay too inconvenient, if not beneath her. You can write the end of this story: Mom got mad when asked not to park there. Very, very mad. Oh, and she continued to park there. Snaps to Kevin for not having her towed.

The worst place to see someone break the rules is at a funeral. Yes, a funeral. Years ago, the hubs and I attended visitation for a precious friend who’d died. She was one of those incredibly awesome people who touched countless lives in a bazillion ways, and the countless lives she’d touched stood in line for more than an hour to have their turn to share condolences with the family. A friend couple decided the line was just too long for them and, because of the status they’d attained in the workplace and the perks that came with it, walked straight to the front of the line like you see celebrities do at night clubs. To say everyone else in line was shocked is an understatement, but no one was up for a fist fight or verbal exchange under those circumstances.

Breaking the rules is often for fools, and if that’s not enough to make Buffy bitchy, I don’t know what is. Only Buffy isn’t bitchy because my IQ is over 10, I park far, far away from other cars so no one can dent my doors, standing in line to pay respects to a friend is in itself respectful and carpool days will soon be in my rearview mirror.