Today is National Honesty Day, so let’s put on our kid gloves to soften the abrasive truth, shall we?

Before I take off like a launched rocket, I’ll set the stage of honesty by going first. Here’s my deepest, darkest truth: I have a real weight and a driver’s license weight. Both are lies. The truth hurts. With the weight (pun intended) of the world now off my shoulders, let’s jump into some Very. Honest. Realities. that have very little (or perhaps a lot) to do with the world according to Buffy.

• Let’s be honest. Whoever said we should forgive and forget never had to forgive and forget.
• E is a wonderful letter. Honestly? We should be hacked off at whoever left it out of the grading system.
• Whoever named W was dishonest and misleading. W is not u twice, it’s v twice. Thus, it should be pronounced “doublevee” and not “doubleyou.”
• Whoever named bite-size candies “fun” was either a health nut or a knucklehead. The real fun-size candy is big, not bite size.
• People bitch about the net worth of the KarTrashians. But let’s be honest. A bunch of someones somewhere are buying their stuff and watching their show or that clan of kooks would have real jobs.
• Speaking of clans, if we’re truly honest, it’s annoying when families go off on some weird naming tangent. At the Kardashian household, Kris named her kids Kourtney, Kim, Khloe, Kendall and Kylie. And then there’s the Duggars. No, I’m not going to be honest about what the world (me) thinks about turning blue jeans into maxi skirts because we’re talking naming tagents here, right? There’s Joshua James (double J), Jana, John-David (J hyphen) Jill, Jessa, Jinger, Joseph, Josiah, Joy-Anna (another J hyphen), Jedediah, Jeremiah, Jason, James, Justin, Jackson, Johannah, Jennifer, Jordyn-Grace (enough with J hyphens already) and Josie. These two families have something in common. In the words of another J — Jay-Z, my least favorite singer on the planet — that shit cray (err, kray), ain’t it Jay? (K and J, get it?)
• Schools place a ridiculous amount of focus on math. Let’s be honest because it is, after all, National Honesty Day. After graduation, those students will use the calculator on their iPhone 6000, not a four-step approach to addition and subtraction.
• Republicans should have more children.
• In all honesty, almost every sporting event goes on for far too long. I’m in favor of ending football games after halftime (which would need to be renamed gameovertime). A round of golf should be three holes with breaks at the beverage cart after holes 1 and 2, followed by an extended kick-up-your-spiked-heels break after hole 3. Baseball games would move the 7^th inning stretch to the 3^rd because that’s about the time my back starts to hurt, then we’d have a hot dog and a diet coke or brewsky before moving on to a few more innings. Basketball, however, does a pretty good job of keeping things moving. I’ve only been to one swim meet, after which point I withdrew my kids from swim team, so you already know my honest opinion about that. Dance recitals? (sigh) What are those teachers thinking? First you’re charged hundreds of dollars for costumes that become worthless immediately after one performance, they you pay admission at the door, qualifying you to enter a venue with poor lighting, a bad PA system and crappy seating to watch other people’s kids “dance” for three or four hours. I’d prefer a different watch-my-performer-then-present-her-with-flowers-and-split format, but hey, that’s just Buffy talkin’.
• Honesty is a double-edge sword. Companies are required to disclose ingredients on product labels in the interest of transparency (= honesty). Is anyone else baffled that lemonade is made with artificial flavoring but furniture polish has real lemon juice?
• The honest truth is that rioting is ridiculous. Period.
• In all honesty, we’d be left with only a handful of politicians if honesty was, in fact, the best (domestic and foreign) policy. At that point, Republicans would regain control of the country. Hang tight. I need a break to raise my flag in favor of honesty being the best policy.

(break)

• If honesty was the best policy, many of us would change our profile pictures on Facebook, Linkedin and other social utilities. And yes, that includes me, although I rather like my Linkedin profile picture from 2005 taken on the way to the SMU/Rice football game. It was a V.E.R.Y. good hair day and the camera was kind to me.

So what’s up with a day of honesty when we’re more comfortable with the same ol’ same ol’ day in and day out? Thanks for asking. National Honesty Day was created by a former press secretary of Maryland as a day to ask any question with the expectation of being given a truthful and straightforward answer. And if that’s not enough to make Buffy bitchy, I don’t know what is. Only Buffy isn’t bitchy because I can play by those rules… and invite you to ask whatever question you want. I dare you.